I pretend that I never get hurt . 

I pretend I'm strong . 

Friday's Afternoon , Shana came to my house . 

She walked to my house . 

I thought she was coming by bus or taxi , but actually she's not . 

Shocked when I saw her . 

Friday's Night , Combine Cg .

Heart felt uncomfortable . My soul was uncomfortable . 

I cried when I saw my spiritual father , Drumstick . 

I'm suffer , I'm pain . 

I don't know what can I do now . Ahh . 

Just feel like want to shout .

After Wei Jing told us the message , we back to our own cg . 

I've told them Jesus had healed me . 

Thanks Jesus Lord . :)

Whole body trembled after I share my testimony . 

I ran out and vomited . 

I'm scared to share out my testimony . 

Saturday's Afternoon , Cg Party . 

Two new friends came . Lenqluiis . :)

Felt no mood when the party started . 

I'm worried my grandpa . 

Although I'm not close with him , but he gave me many sweet memories when I'm a kid . 

Saturday's evening , Service . 

Enjoyed the service . Played so much with Jia Jia . 

Jia jia was so cute , like her . :D

Cried many minutes when Pastor asked us to plead guilty . 

I'm a sinner . I'm not a good daughter . 

I cried as I'm a sinner and I'm worried about my grandfather . 

Thanks Foong Peng and Josephine helped me . 

I cried again when KaiWern asked how am I and when whole cg praying for my grandfather . 

Gosh , I'm touched . 

Thank you , Kai Wern . :D

We went to Puteri's chatime to bought drinks before we sent MH go home . 

After that , we went to her house's outside for watch the view . 

Hmm beautiful . 

Stayed at there a while and chatted with Ying Ying and Jia Jia a lot . 

Told Jia Jia what's on my mind . 

May my dream come true . :)

Sunday's morning , went to hospital for visited my grandfather . 

4-5 years didn't visit him because he was at Segamat , Johor .

But now he came to Kuala Lumpur . 

Thanks Lord , he was okay and felt better . 

I saw my cousins and aunts . 

I like my third aunt , she looks like my mother . 

Same pretty . :P

Cousins became big girls and big boys . 

They still like last time , called my brother ''Chicken brother'' . 

My brother born at Chicken Year , so my cousins and aunts called him ''Chicken'' .

Played ''Talking Tom 2'' with brother when we visit my grandfather . 

Laugh non-stop . 

Honestly , I'm the first time played the game . 

So cute . Brother and I keep laugh because that cat looks stupid . 

Sunday's afternoon , prayer meeting . 

Mother and brother fetched me to church . 

Felt happy because I have long time didn't out with them . 

But felt moody after reached church . 

Cried until my throat became no sound during the prayer meeting . 

I just want to cry . Jesus , I just want You .

I'm very tired now , feel like want to kill myself . 

Jesus , why I can't hear your voice ? 

Where are you ... ?

I cried until the prayer meeting finished . 

Thanks Foong Peng , QiaoQi , Josephine and Jenny helped me up . 

I will remember your ''JiaYou'' . :D

Aikss what can I do now ? What can I do ... ?

Jyin came and reminded me many things .

He advised me how can I do . 

Thanks Jyin . :)

Chatted with Drumstick . 

He told me what's on his mind . 

Thanks . Thanks for let me say out what happened on me . 

Thanks for tried to helped me . 

After that , my heart felt better . 

Went 118 for calm down myself . 

Shana and that chicken came and accompany me . 

Thanks a lot . 

Monday's morning , school's time . 

Went to school and wasted my time . 

Went there for sleep and daze . 

I hate my school . I have nothing to do at school . 

I hope I can transfer school NOW . 

I opened bible and read when I am bored . 

Thanks Lord , He's still with me . 

But now , I started can't hear His voice . 

How ... ?

Jesus , I miss Your voice .. 

Where are You ? Where are You ? 

I miss You so much . 

I want You , I just want You .

Sick people eat medicine . 

Rm 60 fly away from my hand . Heart pain . 

'' A new command I give you : Love one another . 

As I have loved you , so you must love one another . 

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples , is you love one another . ''

John 13 : 34 - 35 

I saw this and I cried . 

What can I do now ? I really don't know . 

Feel like want to cry and shout . 

But I can't do that . 

My heart felt uncomfortable since I knew she dislike me and think that I'm a cheap person . 

Heart pain . I couldn't tell people that how's my feelings now . 

Because I also don't know what is the feelings I have now . 

I just feel like want to kill myself . 

Childish ? Yeah maybe .

I know kill myself wasn't a good idea . 

But my brain keep asking me to kill myself . 

I don't know what happened to myself now . 

Jesus , please help me .

Please heal my heart .. 

Although this photo wasn't very nice , but I like it so much . 

I will remember it . 

17th June 2012 , Father's Day . 

Drumstick , Shana and Douglas accompany me celebrate Father's Day . 

I've forgot since when I didn't celebrate Father's Day . 

Honestly , Daddy I miss you . 

Although I am a 16 years old girl , but I need you . 

I need your love and protect . 

I'm lucky that brother helping you to protect me .

Lord Papa , Happy Father's Day . 

I've nothing to give you . I just can give you my heart . 

Jesus Papa , Thanks for always being here for me .

I know You're beside me when I'm writing this .

You saw and You will smile , right ? 

Saturday's night , I've dream I sat on a man's leg . 

The man sat at a big chair , beside Him got many angels . 

Lord Papa , I guess that's You . 

I sat at Your leg and talk with You , right ? 

I remember the first sentence You talked to me was : 

Vivian , it's time to sleep . 

I cried when I heard You said that . 

I told You : I don't want . I scared I can't saw You when I'm awake . 

Jesus Papa , I'm really scared that You will forsake me . 

But You told me that You won't leave me nor forsake me . 

I'm awake after I heard this . 

I feel like want to sleep again and find You back at that moment . 

I want to tell You : Happy Father's Day . 

Sunday's morning . 

My mood wasn't nice because today was Father's Day . 

I miss my daddy so much . 

I hope my daddy was beside me and stay with me . 

M4J's photo . 

Many people came and accept Christ . 

Thanks Lord , You're be with us at that 4 days . 

I miss that 4 days so much .

I hope time can go back to the 4 days of M4J .

[ I Miss My Usher Team ] 

Although we're not friend , but we're family .

Because we're Jesus's sons and daughters .

We smiled and talked when we saw each others .

Even though M4J was over , but we still remember each other .

Oh yeah , I meet Angeline at M4J .

She's a pretty girl . Hmm , and quite tall . 

She is taller than me . 

She called me 'Smile Princess' .

Erm she said she like my smile so much . 

My eyes know how to smile . :P

Thank you Angeline . 

First time got people call ma 'Smile Princess' .

Hehe and thank you for your sweets . :D

Love it . 

Know him ? He is Van Ness Wu . 

Handsome ? Of course . 

He is the son of Jesus Lord . I like him . 

He put Jesus Christ at number 1 .

He care Jesus Christ more than his own work . 

I admire him . 

How about him ? 

Jovi Theng from Malaysia . 

He is awesome . I LOVE HIM . 

He's very awesome and charming for me . 

His voice was so great . Awwww .. 

Opps sorry that I'm hyper . :P

Shocked when you saw this ?

Don't be shock . 

She will do like that because Holy Spirit have fill her heart . 

Saw me ? Haha . 

I'm the girl who pushing the wheel chair . 

It's a sweet memories for me . 

Because all usher was do the things together . 

We love God , we love people . 

I still remember a kid . 

He is 8 years old at this year . 

He have cancer ... 

He is just 8 years old . 

He is a cute boy , he is a good boy also . 

He told me that he want to get heal because he felt suffer . 

He said : Jie Jie , I love you . Haha . 

He is so cute . I like him . 

I hope God will heal him soon . God will heal him soon !

Pastor Philip Mantofa . 

My favourite pastor . 

This uncle get healed . :D

He keep dancing and play KungFu at stage . 

Aww he's so cute . 

Pastor Philip was dance with him at that moment . 

All of the peole clapped their hand , shout that Jesus Christ are true !

Praise the lord , praise the lord . 

I'm crying when I saw this uncle get healed . 

He was so happy . 

I cried not because anything , just only because I'm happy . 

Many sick people get healed !! 

Many handsome boys praising Jesus Lord . 

Haha girl's favourite . :P

But not my favourite . My Jesus Lord more handsome . :P

Totally is saying me . :P

My bible . I used Edwin's phone to capture this . :P

Edwin's phone is Galaxy note . 

Aww I love it so much . 

I want to buy new phone also . (T-T)

But not now . God are arranging for me . :)

My new photo . Err actually nothing to do now . 

So keep saying nonsense . :P

Good bye .

M4J was finished . 

I miss that 4 days . 6th June until 9th June .  

I'm become an temporary usher at that 4 days . 

I knew a lot of new friends . 

We served together , talked together , ate dinner and lunch together , laugh together , touched by God together and played together .

That's our sweet memories . 

Jesus Lord , thanks for healed many people . 

At these 4 days , more than 10000 people believe and follow Jesus Christ . 

Jesus , I Love You . 

You touched me by your big and warm hand . 

You hugged me . 

I felt your love was beside me . 

Second day of M4J , that was my first day of serve . 

I'm be in charge of sick area .

I saw many sick people came and believe Jesus will heal them . 

Many people get healed , but also a lot of people didn't get heal . 

It's doesn't means that Jesus don't love them . 

Just because Jesus have His own planning . 

Third day of M4J , I'm be in charge of sick area also . 

I saw many familiar faces . 

The patient came again . They hope that they can get heal . 

I chatted with them . Some of them was sick from they were a kid . 

Jesus gave me a mercy's heart . 

I'm sad when I heard what they said . 

But I saw many smile also . 

I'm happy when I saw they smile and tell me that they get healed ! 

Thanks Jesus . You let me saw many smile and felt that happiness . 

Fourth day of M4J , be in charge of sick area again . 

I felt tired that day . 

But I'm not willing to let it go . I love that 4 days . 

I will miss my usher team . I will forever remember what I did with you guys . 

Jesus touched me so much that these 4 days . 

A strange wind came when Pastor Philip ask Holy Spirit to fill us . 

I felt comfortable and touched . 

Pastor Philip said , Jesus and His angels was around us . 

My tears came down . I felt warm . I felt His love . 

At the last day of M4J , I cried when I saw many patient share their testimony .

Jesus healed them . It's real . 

I'm touched when I saw that . 

Jesus , thanks for love me and forgive my sins . 

Qiao Qi said that she felt she were not eligible to love by Jesus . 

Honestly , I think that before . 

I'm a sinner . But Jesus forgive my sins and love me . 

Unconditional love . He love me by unconditional love . 

Nobody can love me like Him . 

Today my math's teacher asked me , what happened to me ?

I don't know . 

Many friends said I changed a lot . 

They said they felt that I'm sad and need people to comfort me . 

I don't know .

But I felt happy when I feel Jesus's love . 

I'm happy when I saw 97s's member . 

Today we celebrated Kai Wern's birthday . 

Kai Wern , Happy 23th Birthday .

Do you felt surprise when we went to your house . 

Our plan A was failed . Aikss , sad case . 

Do you like the cup cakes ?

Sorry yeah . Cause we have no a lot of money , so we bought that for you . 

We chatted together and laughed together at Kai Wern's house . 

Happy ? Yes I am . 

I'm happy that I have this family . My extra family . 

They planned outing with me , discussed their plan with me . 

The feeling was good . 

At least they didn't forget me .

Forgotten the taste by a family member or best friend is very bad .

I miss M4J badly . I hope I can back to that moment . 

But times won't give you any chance . 

It's over . It won't come back . 

Appreciate what you have now . 

Now I realise church friends was important than other friends . 

Because they just like my real family care me and love me . 

JESUS , I LOVE YOU . 

Thanks for being there for me when I'm not strong . 

Thanks for let me know that 97s was so important for me . 

Why God want to break my heart  ?

It's because in the process of healing me . 

Painful come over my heart , my heart had been broken . 

I don't blame anyone , I didn't blame Jesus .  

I know He's healing my heart . 

He want me to be a good girl .  

I've being attacked by Satan . 

Scary ? No . 

It's a spiritual war between me and Satan . 

Who will win ? 

Now I tell you , I'm the winner . 

Because I have Jesus support me , protect me . 

He won't abandoned and forsake me . 

He will always be with me .  

My soul is belongs to Jesus Lord . 

Satan jealous that I love Jesus Lord . 

Satan don't like . 

I really want to tell Satan :

'' Hey , you don't like I love Jesus ?  You want to separate Jesus and I ? 

Satan , I tell you something . 

You don't like ? it's your problem . 

It doesn't my problems . 

I won't let it become a problem and forsake Jesus .

Jesus is my Lord , He is the only one I love . 

Sorry Satan , I don't love you . 

It's not because you're weak than Jesus . 

I don't love you because I don't want to be a bad girl . 

If you're still angel , sure I will love you . 

I love all angel that belongs to Jesus . 

You want to attack me now ? You want to attack my family ?

Now I tell you , you can't do that . 

Because Jesus Lord are protecting my family and I . 

I have faith . I'm become more confidence that I can win you . '' 

Jesus arranged ''97s'' to me . 

Thanks 97s's member . 

Guys , I know you have help me to pray . 

You wasted your valuable time . 

Now I can go M4J . I can back to Cyc . 

I'm become more crazy love Jesus . 

Kai Wern , Thank You So Much . 

Thanks for your call . 

Sorry for keep talking and cried . 

Haha I wasted your 1 hour . 

Thanks for your witness . 

It helped me so much . 

Drumstick papa , Thanks ! 

Thanks for your notes and messages . 

I will remember what you taught me . 

Be faith until last minute . 

I did it , I really did it . So now I can go M4J . 

{ HALLELUJAH }

Jyin , Thanks for your message and caring me . 

Aikss thanks for accompany my grandparents . 

They like you so much . Haha . 

Onn Xiong , Thanks for help me taked my bed to Wing Hing's house . 

Kai Wern said my bed was very comfortable . 

My grandparents said you're looks like my brother . 

Haha they like you also . 

Josephine , my piggy . 

Thanks for your caring message . 

Touched that you're still remember me . 

Thanks you for help me pray . (TT)

I Love You . :P

Shana , stay strong . 

Thanks for telling me the notes and help me to pray . 

Thanks for comfort me when I'm not in good mood . 

Love you too . :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Angel , now your turn . 

My spongebob , thank you so much . 

Do you know ? I love you so so so much . 

You comforted me , cared me , loves me . 

Gary love you too . 

You're my spiritual best friend !  :D

Aikss I'm tired now . 

Got to prepare my heart . 

I'm going to Bukit Jalil Stadium later . 

M4J , I'm coming . 

(P/S : I slept late ... Missed morning service)

(TT) 

My face emotion was same with it . 

I don't know what can I do now . 

I just know I will be faith because I have Jesus Christ . 

Well . Satan attacked my family and my mood . 

I don't know why I'm always get attacked by Satan . 

Worst . 

Stay strong . Vivian , you should stay strong . 

Just stand strong ...